Saving ourselves from tired holiday metaphors

The holidays are so pregnant with symbolism, history and metaphors that it’s sometimes hard to avoid writing cliches into your stories. That’s why former Baltimore Sun copyeditor John McIntyre provides us with this lovely list of things we should avoid putting into print around the holidays.

As McIntyre puts it:

Some readers (and, sadly, some writers) lap up this swill. It is familiar, and the complete lack of originality is a comfort to them. It is for such people that television exists.

The list:

• “‘Tis the season”: Not in copy, not in headlines, not at all. Never, never, never, never, never. You cannot make this fresh. Do not attempt it.
• “‘Twas the night before” anything: ‘Twasing is no more defensible than ’tising. And if you must refer to the Rev. Mr. Moore’s poem, if indeed he wrote it, the proper title is “A Visit from St. Nicholas.”
• “Jolly old elf”: Please, no. And if you must mention Kriss Kringle, remember the double s.
• Any “Christmas came early” construction
• “Yes, Virginia” allusions: No.
• “Grinch steals”: When someone vandalizes holiday decorations, steals a child’s toys from under the tree, or otherwise dampens holiday cheer, this construction may be almost irresistible. Resist it.
• Give Dickens a rest. No ghosts of anything past, present or future. Delete bah and humbug from your working vocabulary. Treat Scrooge as you would the Grinch, by ignoring him. Leave little Tiny Tim alone, too.
• “Turkey and all the trimmings”: If you can’t define trimmings without looking up the word, you shouldn’t be using it.
• “White stuff” for snow: We should have higher standards of usage — and dignity — than do television weather forecasters. Also avoid the tautologies favored by these types: winter season, weather conditions, winter weather conditions, snow event and snow precipitation. And the tautologies favored in advertising: free gift, extra bonus and extra added bonus.
• Old Man Winter, Jack Frost and other moldy personifications can safely be omitted.
• If the spirit of ecumenism and inclusion requires mention of Hanukkah in holiday articles, these points should be kept in mind. Hanukkah is a holiday more like Independence Day than Christmas, and it is only the coincidence of the calendar dates in a gentile culture that has caused the holiday to mimic Christian and secular elements. The holidays are coincidental; they are not twins.
• Pray do not ring out or ring in an old year, a new year, or anything else.
• Parodies of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” are, if possible, even more tedious than the original. And, typically, they do not scan.

(I know I’ve gone past all reasonable interpretations of fair use by basically reposting McIntyre’s words here, but I think my violation is outweighed by the public good that can be done by publishing these tips in as many places as possible. If you feel bad about this or want to read the original on McIntyre’s site on principle, please do so.)

Related posts:

1. ‘WINTER’ DRILLS, TURF DREAMS